Committed To Me

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This is one of my most favorite pictures of myself. It was taken in September 2013 in Paris, shortly after I married myself.

You read that correctly. I am married, to myself. And I have been for over 4 years.

What brought me to this moment was several months of being incredibly hard on myself — emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. I was in a career situation that was in opposition to everything I wanted and I was on the verge of major romantic heart-break. I was in a fragile and uncomfortable place. And I was taking it out on myself by living in a state of constant stress and anxiety.

My solo vacation was meant to relax me. But as I wandered the streets of Paris I grew increasingly sad and agitated to be alone. I began stopping into churches every day (Europe is great for this, churches are everywhere!) and praying for peace.

And my prayers were answered as a small voice inside me began saying I wasn’t alone. That I had myself. And that if I let her, she’d love me forever. I believed her. (If you haven’t been, you should know Paris is the most romantic city on Earth so it was easier than usual to believe the voice.)

I bought a ring at the Lourve and made my way to the top of the Arc de Triomphe. And there, perched over the city I love most, I exchanged vows with myself. I promised to love myself for better or for worse. I promised to love myself for richer or for poorer. I promised to love myself in sickness and in health. I promised to love and cherish myself, all the days of my life. Without knowing it at the time I was promising to love my flawsome!

Living that commitment has not been easy. Love is a decision and the decision to love myself has been the hardest, most fulfilling, one I’ve made. Sometimes it’s been unbearably hard for me to love myself, leading to separation. Over the past 4 years, myself and I have definitely felt on the edge of divorce. And in those moments I do my very best to remember this day in Paris. The day I committed to love and cherish myself. Forever.

Are you committed to loving yourself forever? What would it be like to go through life knowing that you’ve got your back for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, and in everything in between? It might not be an easy promise to make, and it certainly isn’t easy to keep. But just like YOU it is WORTH IT.